5 Ways To Disarm A Narcissist From Our Neuropsychologist

As sad as it is to admit, we’ve all encountered people with narcissistic tendencies. Maybe it’s a coworker who presents themselves as the linchpin of the entire team, a sibling who only has time for their own exaggerated problems, or a potential suitor who’s throwing up all the red flags of dating narcissism. Dealing with these people can be more than exhausting; it can be like surviving an emotional and psychological war.

Of course, there are differences between being self-centered and being a genuine narcissist. True narcissism includes toxic behaviors like grandiose self-importance, a lack of empathy, and a willingness to use and manipulate those around you as expendable resources rather than people. When you spot these signs, the best approach is probably to run in the other direction.

Unfortunately, it’s not always possible to avoid narcissists altogether. You might encounter this provocative personality type at work, in your social circle, on dating apps, or even among family members. So how can you stop narcissists close to you from causing drama in your life? To find out, Glam spoke exclusively with New York City neuropsychologist Dr. Sanam Hafeez, director of Comprehend the Mind. Dr. Hafeez walked us through key strategies for bypassing a narcissist’s manipulations and maintaining a healthier dynamic.

Don’t engage with a narcissist’s provocations

Narcissists live for attention and often believe they’re better and smarter than everyone around them — dual traits that can lead them to gossip, emotionally blackmail, or outright manipulate. Whether you’re in a romantic relationship or struggling to get along with your coworkers, it’s best to shut down a narcissist’s machinations before they walk out the door.

“When a narcissist tries to interact with you in a way you find exhausting or manipulative, respond with bland, uninteresting responses — or don’t respond at all. Give short, unengaging answers like, ‘I see,’ or, ‘Okay, thanks for letting me know,'” suggests Dr. Sanam Hafeez exclusively. Her recommendation echoes facets of a classic narcissist-busting strategy called “gray rocking,” which basically involves making yourself as void and unfeeling as a stone.

As Dr. Hafeez continues, “This can be helpful because narcissists typically thrive on drama, conflict, and attention. By offering little emotional engagement, you become ‘boring’ to them. This reduces their desire to provoke or manipulate you.” It’s a bit like staying calm in the face of a toddler’s tantrum. If you stay calm and refuse to escalate the situation, narcissists will eventually stop meddling and direct their wiles elsewhere.

Keep conversations with narcissists solution-focused

Any conversation has the potential to drag on or become frustrating, but trying to interact with narcissists can actually be the worst. For example, narcissists’ love of theater and agitation can quickly spiral into over-the-top rants or endless self-bragging as they present themselves as the heroes of their latest social drama. Similarly, narcissistic women’s unique traits can include playing the victim card whenever they can, trapping you in a swirl of “poor me” small talk.

Whatever strategy they choose to make themselves the center of attention, it all adds up to one thing: conversations with narcissists can feel repetitive, overwrought, and pointless. So how do you break this pattern? “When a narcissist drags you into endless complaints, self-praise, or drama, steer the conversation toward practical solutions. For example, ‘I understand you, but how do you suggest we move forward?’ or “What’s the next step to resolve this?” Dr. Sanam Hafeez.

In the same way that you can help someone stop catastrophizing by presenting them with rational responses to their fears and anxieties, you can interrupt a narcissist’s dramatic monologue by focusing on practical steps rather than the emotional weight of a situation. As Dr. Hafeez explains, “Narcissists love to focus on problems, often exaggerating or magnifying them. Focusing on a solution is helpful because it shifts the conversation to a more positive perspective.”

Appeal to narcissists’ sense of superiority (without resorting to flattery)

Narcissists often have an overly optimistic idea of ​​themselves, and their ego is probably sky-high. However, this doesn’t mean they’re completely imagining their worth. Many narcissists can be skilled and valuable partners or teammates, so you may find yourself in a situation where a narcissist actually deserves your praise. Just be sure not to overdo it: As expert Dr. Sanam Hafeez warns, “Narcissists need to feel superior, but flattering them too much can backfire.”

Whether you’re a narcissist’s manager, coworker, or even parent, Dr. Hafeez offers advice on how to provide positive reinforcement without fueling harmful self-importance. “When interacting with a narcissist, acknowledge their competence or expertise in a neutral way that reinforces their need to feel superior without going overboard. For example, ‘You’ve obviously put a lot of effort into this and I respect that,’ rather than overly praising them like, ‘You’re the best at everything,'” says Dr. Hafeez. “Acknowledging their strengths in a balanced way allows them to feel validated without overly inflating their ego. This can help you maintain a neutral, calm interaction.”

Avoid directly confronting a narcissist about sensitive issues

Like many egoists, narcissists don’t handle criticism well. Even well-intentioned criticism can feel like threats to their superiority, triggering a wave of aggressive pushback. To avoid this resistant response, Dr. Sanam Hafeez explains that it’s important to reframe the issue and take a less direct approach.

“Don’t directly challenge a narcissist on an issue where they’re likely to get defensive, as this can lead to a huge fight,” Dr. Hafeez exclusively advises. “Instead, frame your concerns in relation to ‘what needs to happen’ rather than ‘what they’ve done wrong.’ This can be helpful because you avoid provoking them by attacking their egos.”

This technique also fits in nicely with strategies for setting and maintaining personal boundaries, which can be crucial to peacefully coexisting with narcissists. As Dr. Hafeez notes, consider framing your needs or boundaries as goals for their future behavior rather than criticisms of their behavior so far. This gives narcissists an outlet to avoid hurting your feelings and becoming defensive. Of course, getting them to respect your requests is another matter; over time, if they continue to deliberately ignore your wishes and well-being, you may need to take more decisive action, from cutting ties with a narcissistic parent to permanently ending your affair with a narcissistic partner.

Give narcissists physical and emotional space

When proposing solutions or setting boundaries doesn’t yield results in a narcissist-driven conflict, it may be time to take a step back. This isn’t just to help everyone calm down, but putting some distance in your interactions with a narcissist can take the power away from their manipulations.

“Narcissists often thrive on attention and validation, and may push for more interaction or control when they feel like they’re losing influence,” Dr. Sanam Hafeez exclusively reveals. To counter this push, she suggests the following: “When you sense a narcissist is becoming too demanding, controlling, or overwhelming, give them some space. Politely excuse yourself from the situation by saying something like, ‘I think we both need some time to think this through.'”

Taking a pause can essentially cut off the momentum of an argument or outburst. As Dr. Hafeez adds, “By creating distance, you deprive them of their usual source of validation, which can make them feel less powerful.” This is particularly effective if you literally remove yourself from the narcissist’s orbit. “Physically distancing yourself helps reduce the emotional intensity of the moment, and giving them emotional space (by disengaging from the drama) forces them to recalibrate.”

In short, dealing with narcissists can take a lot of patience, self-control, and emotional intelligence. Is it worth it? Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with a narcissist? We wouldn’t count on it. If you’re stuck with narcissists in your social circle, it’s probably best to keep a healthy distance and use Dr. Hafeez’s advice to disarm their tricks whenever you have to interact.